Fair or Unfair?

So, is it?

After a fearful conversation with my Mistress, fearful because I hate when she gets mad, I decided to write my thoughts on what is fair and not about BDSM. Now I told my Mistress I thought it was an unfair relationship. She asked why and I replied, Everything about it makes it unfair. That is when it started being fearful.She looked at me, the death glare in her eyes and she asks again what makes it unfair. I answered “let’s start with the titles, already there it means it’s not fair” and I said that because I read the dictionary definition and here it is.

sub·mis·sive

[suhb-mis-iv]

–adjective

1.

inclined or ready to submit;  unresistingly or humbly obedient: submissive servants.
2.

marked by or indicating submission: a submissive reply.

dom·i·nant

[dom-uh-nuhnt]

–adjective

1.

ruling, governing, or controlling; having or exerting authority or influence: dominant in the chain of command.
2.

occupying or being in a commanding or elevated position.
3.

predominant; main; major; chief: Corn is the dominant crop of Iowa.
Her answer right away was, although it wasn’t directed to my first answer was “it is not unfair, you accept this role” I replied nearly instantly “I accept the unfairness so I can make you happy because the weight of unfairness is not even close to the weight of making you happy”. After that, it got feisty for a couple of minutes. I have a hard time expressing feelings in real life, communication is not at all one of my strong points so sometimes it can take me a while to take a point across. However my Mistress is starting to know how I talk and she, after both of us calmed down, understood what I meant.
In terms of practice and meanings, BDSM is to me, unfair in nearly every level. In terms of respect, the mutual respect and agreement, I now find it fair. She made me realize something ultimately important in my theory that I forgot which was that I can say no to this relationship anytime I want, break the contract in other terms. Now tho, do I care about it being unfair, no not at all, like My Mistress said it is a choice I made and it is something I agree with. I made the choice and accept the unfairness, but only for her because she is what makes, me.
Please comment!
Alex
(Music listened to while writing this post: None)

My Own Funny BDSM Theory

Now this post is to be taken very lightly and with a sense of humor. This view is only a hilarious way for me to vent from things and since I don’t wish to put my Mistress in a bad position I write it in here.

Yesterday night while cleaning my Mistress in the shower I was telling her my personal theory about BDSM. She stared at me with her glare of death and her side smirk which is actually the response I was looking for. You can imagine I had a good laugh and so did she in a way. It goes as follows: BDSM is about Dom-me’s being dumb. They are so pathetically dumb and retarded that they need dogs (like me) to guide them through things of life. You know, we, as subs can manage ourselves but Dom-me’s can’t. That is why they give all the dirty chores and all those “necessary” things to do to us since we have the competency to do them. Dom-Me’s are just there to sit, watch and complain because they can’t do better.

However, my Mistress knows I need to laugh about things and she has, one of the most exquisite laughs someone can imagine so making her laugh is also my goal. She then suggested I write it in my blog next time. She said and I quote “Next time you are gonna get it dog!”

Thanks to her sense of humor!

Alex

(Music listened to while writing this post AC-DC – Ironman Soundtrack)

What Type of Submissive Am I?

As my Mistress showed me Slutlyfe’s Blog on what type of submissive am I, I had a sudden interest to fill it and find the answers for my own personal need. Since I started just a while ago, sometimes I still have questions about myself that I need to answer and always in the understanding that some questions can only be answered by myself. It is always beneficial for both parties to find out what a sub likes, it encourages personal growth, self-worth and of course, opens the mind.

1. How much do you like being owned? On a scale of 0 to 10. Do you enjoy hearing “You are mine I own you?”, this extends to being marked as someone’s property, being someone’s baby, little girl, slave, their thing, etc.

9. Knowing that you are worth something to someone is very appealing to me and knowing that I can trust that same someone is important to me. Branding is something i have let my Mistress do in the past and is something I would do again.

2. How much do you like to serve, on a scale of 1-10 — 0 being “I do not much care to serve people”, 10 being “It is my life to serve you! Let me massage your feet, bring you a drink, etc…”

7. I enjoy serving my Mistress but sometimes, and excuse my expression, I just want to say fuck it. Being the rebellious type at times it can be difficult.

3. How much do you want to be degraded, yelled at, called “dirty” or a “slut”. (This includes being humiliated, made to do things in public, objectified etc.)

0. Just er. Degradation is not something I enjoy. However if my Mistress wishes to degrade me for her personal pleasure, I will accept it.

4. How much do you want to be tied down and restrained. This means to be restricted, having your ability to move being restricted via being tied up. (This can include being caged.)

8. Love it, feeling someone’s power over me, quite a turn on. I need it at least on a regular basis, that feeling of giving the ability of empowerment to somebody else.

5. Do you want or need to be beaten? This is not always about pain. You can “beat” someone for long periods of time without hurting them. When you are beaten you are the center of someone’s physical attention. This is about having someone use their strength against you…its not the pain but being the focus of a partner’s aggression. And of course, some people do like pain.

10. Major turn on, if I can relief my Mistress of any anger in that way, I would enjoy every bit of it. Even as punishment, I have to admit I enjoy it. It straightens me quickly.

6. How much do you like to be fucked…This may not be about penetration–but having someone devote sexual attention to you. How much do you like to be the focus of someone’s sexual attention?  Thrown down and fucked, used for someone’s pleasure…

10. Also a major turn on. Knowing that I can be that much of a turn on for a person.

7. How much do you desire to be given away — In the Story of O, at the final scene, the character is “given away” to someone by her lover. When this happens in real life, usually it’s not permanent, but perhaps you’ve been very “bad”, so your partner’s friends are going to use you. This reinforces the fact that you are such a powerful object of pleasure.

0. I wish to be only my Mistress’s pleasure and nobody else.

Thanks to Slutlyfe for the Questionnaire,

Alex

(Music Listened to while writing this: Tracy Chapman – Tracy Chapman 1988)

The Modern Male Submissive

I enjoy fulfilling my Dominant female partner. I am still learning, trying my best to satisfy her in every way and I am not saying that submission is easy because it is not, even if you are submissive by nature. Constantly, I need to step on my pride and think, it is a constant effort on my part. I read an article once, from a male submissive on an internet site that I wish I would remember now but it basically said the following:

Imagine a pillar, made of love and dedication, and that pillar is created for the woman you love, your Mistress. Imagine that pillar growing every day until it becomes a palace of gold enshrining her.

Personally I have never heard a woman complain about being supported and loved, and I surely do not hear my Domme complain about it either. While researching information about male submission on the net I found another article that exemplifies the kind of stereotyping that I saw as “informative” about male submissives. Here it is and I will give my view right after.

The Modern Submissive Male

As you know I have a couple of girlfriends that read this blog. Like me, they love the comments .

Based on the comments from ‘her support’ and others, one of them suggested that submissiveness was related to a lack of maturity in the modern male.

I am sure she is correct, but think about it. How many times have we heard the same complaint from submissive guys. I want to obey, I want to do things as she wishes, but I am too weak. My friend suggested it is not about being weak as it is a question of lack of maturity in the modern male. In her view most adult submissive men are really like children. They lack the strength of character to do things right, unless there is a female to guide them, and punish them when necessary. In her view most adult men should be treated more or less the same as children. Is my girlfriend correct?

Appeared on Femdom 101

To be honest, as a male I find that very offensive since most submissive males would do anything for their dominant female partners, even without a BDSM relationship. To say that most adult men should be treated like children, in my opinion, is just a typical Femdom judgement, and a judgement that most women in our society today to easily pass. However I do believe that male subs can be lazy (but not weak) if not properly managed.

I will give an example. Before I started a D\s relationship, I didn’t really care about much, I was lazy, did not do normal house chores like dishes, cleaning and such. I actually despised cleaning dishes, I assure you that I preferred to throw them on the ground and buy new ones instead of cleaning them. My Mistress and I on a Sunday night had a “briefing” about what would be expected of me starting on the following Monday. As soon as she said dishes I whined. Funny enough, the next morning I woke up and dishes were the first thing on my list of chores to do. Well I did them and I actually enjoyed them and since then, I do them every morning and I actually like doing dishes, because it is something I do for her. I have tried many times before to do them but it would just end in the gutter. I believe that until the day that the Dominant successfully convinces the submissive that He or She is worthy of devotion and trust, a submissive will not give them to you, to put it lightly D/s is a relationship that is built, not control that is just given because one person wears a Dominant title and the other a submissive.

I thought about what she told me that Sunday night and actually really listened to her. She told me, looking me in the eyes that D/s was part of her and that it was something that she really needed to have in her life. It clicked for me that night. I want to do something for her. Yes of course once in a while I get the “I don’t wanna do that an I ain’t doin it” but that means punishment and that is when I step on my ego and pride. As a male submissive I want and need to feel useful, I need to feel I am perfect in everything I do the first time. She teaches me different, she has shown me that it is the act of doing that is the gift and the continual effort to perfect those actions that prove the sincerity. For the lack of maturity accusation, I would hesitate to place blame on any one party in a D/s relationship, oftentimes submissives react to the leadership of the Dominant. With this knowledge in mind think of a submissive as a reflection in a mirror, if the submissive is behaving immaturely or being weak-willed then perhaps the Dominant should look at the example they set and the way they lead the submissive.

I am currently 21 and as most people around me say I am quite mature for my age submission is not a question of maturity. For me the real questions are:

  • Whether or not submission is personally gratifying?
  • Is the Dominant you have chosen as your D/s partner competent?
  • Is the Dominant  the right one for you?

Competency is an important factor, if your Dom-me is not, you sure are going the wrong way since that person does not know how to guide you or him-herself. Best example I can give that I am sure we have all experienced is at work. Having a not so competent boss. He gives you work that makes no sense and probably most of the time, does not even know what he is talking about. Personal gratification is very important, your Dom-me is there to help you in that domain if you can’t find it within yourself. It’s a constant mutual feeling. Imagine if your Dom-me does not have the required competences to do so, where will it go? Another example I can give is online BDSM, I could rant for ages about the subject on any online relationships in that sense, since I have experienced it myself. If you wish you enter this lifestyle, do not do it online, it is very pale compared to the reality of what it really is. Having a punishment over your computer is NOT the same as a real one, “rp-ing” a whipping sensation is easy, having it in real life not so much. Also, online is alot more sexually centered, it is mainly a tool for wanking, pardon my expression. If you wish to really have this type of relationship with a partner, inform yourself online about reunions example. To end with competency, I shall say, online is really not the place for any D/s relationships.

Is the Dominant right for you? Another very important point, does he or she listen to you? does he or she care? all these questions are always related to what is your relationship with your Dom-me, I mean if you are a slave and wish to be treated like less than nothing, I would be surprised if he or she makes you feel like they care. I think you get my point.

To finish my post about the modern male submissive, I would like to say, we are intelligent, we do not weak or lack maturity, yes we are at times lazy but that is rectifiable. We are strong but also needy, but above all, we love our dominant women.

Alex

(Music Listened to while writing this post: Nina Simone – The Essential)