I enjoy fulfilling my Dominant female partner. I am still learning, trying my best to satisfy her in every way and I am not saying that submission is easy because it is not, even if you are submissive by nature. Constantly, I need to step on my pride and think, it is a constant effort on my part. I read an article once, from a male submissive on an internet site that I wish I would remember now but it basically said the following:
Imagine a pillar, made of love and dedication, and that pillar is created for the woman you love, your Mistress. Imagine that pillar growing every day until it becomes a palace of gold enshrining her.
Personally I have never heard a woman complain about being supported and loved, and I surely do not hear my Domme complain about it either. While researching information about male submission on the net I found another article that exemplifies the kind of stereotyping that I saw as “informative” about male submissives. Here it is and I will give my view right after.
The Modern Submissive Male
As you know I have a couple of girlfriends that read this blog. Like me, they love the comments .
Based on the comments from ‘her support’ and others, one of them suggested that submissiveness was related to a lack of maturity in the modern male.
I am sure she is correct, but think about it. How many times have we heard the same complaint from submissive guys. I want to obey, I want to do things as she wishes, but I am too weak. My friend suggested it is not about being weak as it is a question of lack of maturity in the modern male. In her view most adult submissive men are really like children. They lack the strength of character to do things right, unless there is a female to guide them, and punish them when necessary. In her view most adult men should be treated more or less the same as children. Is my girlfriend correct?
Appeared on Femdom 101
To be honest, as a male I find that very offensive since most submissive males would do anything for their dominant female partners, even without a BDSM relationship. To say that most adult men should be treated like children, in my opinion, is just a typical Femdom judgement, and a judgement that most women in our society today to easily pass. However I do believe that male subs can be lazy (but not weak) if not properly managed.
I will give an example. Before I started a D\s relationship, I didn’t really care about much, I was lazy, did not do normal house chores like dishes, cleaning and such. I actually despised cleaning dishes, I assure you that I preferred to throw them on the ground and buy new ones instead of cleaning them. My Mistress and I on a Sunday night had a “briefing” about what would be expected of me starting on the following Monday. As soon as she said dishes I whined. Funny enough, the next morning I woke up and dishes were the first thing on my list of chores to do. Well I did them and I actually enjoyed them and since then, I do them every morning and I actually like doing dishes, because it is something I do for her. I have tried many times before to do them but it would just end in the gutter. I believe that until the day that the Dominant successfully convinces the submissive that He or She is worthy of devotion and trust, a submissive will not give them to you, to put it lightly D/s is a relationship that is built, not control that is just given because one person wears a Dominant title and the other a submissive.
I thought about what she told me that Sunday night and actually really listened to her. She told me, looking me in the eyes that D/s was part of her and that it was something that she really needed to have in her life. It clicked for me that night. I want to do something for her. Yes of course once in a while I get the “I don’t wanna do that an I ain’t doin it” but that means punishment and that is when I step on my ego and pride. As a male submissive I want and need to feel useful, I need to feel I am perfect in everything I do the first time. She teaches me different, she has shown me that it is the act of doing that is the gift and the continual effort to perfect those actions that prove the sincerity. For the lack of maturity accusation, I would hesitate to place blame on any one party in a D/s relationship, oftentimes submissives react to the leadership of the Dominant. With this knowledge in mind think of a submissive as a reflection in a mirror, if the submissive is behaving immaturely or being weak-willed then perhaps the Dominant should look at the example they set and the way they lead the submissive.
I am currently 21 and as most people around me say I am quite mature for my age submission is not a question of maturity. For me the real questions are:
- Whether or not submission is personally gratifying?
- Is the Dominant you have chosen as your D/s partner competent?
- Is the Dominant the right one for you?
Competency is an important factor, if your Dom-me is not, you sure are going the wrong way since that person does not know how to guide you or him-herself. Best example I can give that I am sure we have all experienced is at work. Having a not so competent boss. He gives you work that makes no sense and probably most of the time, does not even know what he is talking about. Personal gratification is very important, your Dom-me is there to help you in that domain if you can’t find it within yourself. It’s a constant mutual feeling. Imagine if your Dom-me does not have the required competences to do so, where will it go? Another example I can give is online BDSM, I could rant for ages about the subject on any online relationships in that sense, since I have experienced it myself. If you wish you enter this lifestyle, do not do it online, it is very pale compared to the reality of what it really is. Having a punishment over your computer is NOT the same as a real one, “rp-ing” a whipping sensation is easy, having it in real life not so much. Also, online is alot more sexually centered, it is mainly a tool for wanking, pardon my expression. If you wish to really have this type of relationship with a partner, inform yourself online about reunions example. To end with competency, I shall say, online is really not the place for any D/s relationships.
Is the Dominant right for you? Another very important point, does he or she listen to you? does he or she care? all these questions are always related to what is your relationship with your Dom-me, I mean if you are a slave and wish to be treated like less than nothing, I would be surprised if he or she makes you feel like they care. I think you get my point.
To finish my post about the modern male submissive, I would like to say, we are intelligent, we do not weak or lack maturity, yes we are at times lazy but that is rectifiable. We are strong but also needy, but above all, we love our dominant women.
(Music Listened to while writing this post: Nina Simone – The Essential)